- What are you doing? - Someone texted you.
I thought it was my phone. I was dreaming
that my phone was ringing and somebody was chasing me.
He had a gigantic hat!
Well, it sounds like a nightmare you would have when you're new at work.
- Work? - No, it's my lover, of course.
I'm joking! Breakfast in five.
You want to know what you will get for your birthday?
- No, I won't tell you. - You suck.
That's me.
Dad, could you make smorgasbord for the party?
What party?
We're having a party for Sam this weekend.
Have you forgotten I'll be 15 on Saturday?
Easy, now! I'm sorry!
Seriously? This Saturday?
Yes.
Grandpa's girlfriend is called Knulla.
No, she's called Carola!
- That's what I said. - Are they all coming?
Erik and Lotta? They'll be here.
- For fuck's sake, Jonna... - As well as their monster son.
- Do you want Larsa to come? - More guests means more gifts.
After everything he's done?
Well, he's been nice to me since you had your fit.
You seem a bit interested in him.
It's none of your business! Such a fucked- up family...
I was joking!
- Should I go after her? - No, it's useless.
Hello?
Yes.
Come on, just a few more!
Goddammit!
Shit!
Hasn't this industry seen any fucking progress
so we don't have to endure these painful exercises?
There are no shortcuts. You know that.
But you must know some sort of pill
that enables someone like me to fuck someone like Crulla?
What?
Have you heard of mother's milk?
Mother's milk?
Wille? Is something wrong?
No. I'm only out for a drive.
I wanted to try out my new Vespa but for some reason it died.
There are a lot of buttons on this.
It's odd to see you in Copenhagen.
Yeah. It's a small world.
And where are you going? To work?
- Yes. - Can I join you?
You want to come with me to work?
Yes.
- No, you can't. - Why not?
It's my workplace! You can't come.
But... why can't I come? I'll be quiet, Karsten.
No, you can't come.
What the...
Onwards!
- A butcher? - Yes.
He's a bit like a manbaby.
- I felt bad for him sometimes. - OK.
He works at the slaughterhouse. We became friends.
I think I see a link here. A connection. You get it?
I mean, meat.
Meat! A slaughterhouse and now this...
Meat on both sides of the water. Don't you get it?
No, not at all. Dallas and Lene...
I have some lines here, but I'm not quite sure about them,
so try. Come on.
Sweet siren of the sea, I await your kiss
- and my damnation? - Damnation.
Fear not, gentle sailor. Fear not.
Ours is a blissful embrace.
We are all alone in the world.
- How was it? - I'm not sure about these lines.
Georgina, what do you think about the lines? I don't know...
No! Terrible!
Thank you. Thank you for absolutely nothing. Thank you.
Lothar, Lothar.
- What's going on? - Lothar, Lothar.
It's something with Lothar!
We're about to shoot! What the fuck is the matter with Lothar now?
Gallery. Gallery.
He's up there.
Bye- bye.
I'm scared to go after him.
- He just freaked out! - I'll have a word with him.
He's pretty buff. And pissed off, apparently.
But I'm the only one here who knows anything about emotions.
- Well, good luck. - I have no clue...
Lothar, are you OK?
Are you having chest pains? Let me check your pulse.
Alright, if you have chest pains I'm calling an ambulance!
I'm in love!
OK! Are you in love?
I know what can happen. Do you get it?
Being in love is not the worst thing that could happen.
It's among the most beautiful things that a man can experience.
She thinks I'm a car salesman.
Shit, I will lose her.
Right. You haven't told her what you do for a living, is that it?
Life is greater than us. You think you know a thing or two...
but then you realize it's all an illusion.
It's something you created to give you an identity,
but then you realize the person you thought you were
is not the real you! Do you understand?
- I don't understand a word. - OK...
Some people create an identity for themselves
with their clothes, et cetera.
But not many have the courage to show their real selves.
But I lied! You must save me!
Lothar, listen to me. You are more than just your job!
You came up with some white lie about the nature of your work
and who you really are, but listen to me.
It's time to get rid of any mask you've been hiding behind
and show her your true love.
Show her the real you! Show her your vulnerability,
show her your attention,
and your spirituality.
- My spirituality? - Yeah, that's right.
- Trains. - Yep, trains.
- I always liked trains. - Yes, yes.
I've dreamt about having
- one of those model railways that go round and round...
- And those small figures... - This is what I'm talking about!
Right, Lothar? Trains, that's who you are!
Imagine you are a gigantic train.
A big steam engine pulling into a dark tunnel.
And at the end of the tunnel you see a small light.
And as you approach this light you will find your spirituality.
Then you will know who you are. And your job is of no importance.
Thank you. I think I'll buy a model train tonight.
- I hope you're right. - I'm right.
Do you think you could come down and work for a bit?
- Yeah, I feel better now. - Give me your hand.
Let's go together. Nice and easy.
More waves.
Sorry.
More waves!
Yeah!
- We need to talk. - What's up?
Come on.
Sorry.
What is it, Karsten?
- This is way too amateurish! - OK.
If you want me to direct this we need bigger ambitions!
- Relax. Just tell me what you want. OK? - OK.
Wow!
You were so powerful!
I don't get it! Where did it come from?
I feel incredibly strong. Like a big, strong boar!
A male pig, you mean?
Promise not to laugh at this,
but I feel... invincible!
Nothing can stop me! I'm like a pasha or an emperor.
I feel reborn!
Wonder where this immense energy comes from.
- Could it be the milk? - The milk?
- Yes, mother's milk. - Mother's milk?
The mother's milk.
Don't tell me you're breastfeeding?
I will tell you eventually.
The sea.
I imagine we will connect with Thor Heyerdahl's lost soul.
His untamed gaze cast across a wide, salty and infinite sea.
- Do you follow? - Maestro, your wish is my desire.
No one has called me maestro since I was in film school.
You're a great producer, you know that?
I only try to give you the means to create your magic.
What's wrong?
You have an entire sea here! What more do you want?
What's up?
- She's been unfaithful. - What? Who?
Jonna, my wife.
Is this what you think or do you know it for a fact?
I overheard her talking on the phone with some guy...
Apparently, he's sending her pictures of his penis.
- Dick pics? - Yeah.
- That shit hurts. - Yeah.
What should I do, Vincent?
Karsten, sometimes you just need to bite the bullet.
- Yeah. - Take a real good bite
and then just swallow whatever shit comes with it.
- Should I confront her? - Absolutely.
Then when you have your answer, the adventure we call life continues.
Karsten...
Hey... Hey, hey, hey, hey...
- It's going to be OK. - Yeah.
- Let's have some fun now. - Yeah.
We're shooting!
Look at this! An ocean of opportunity!
- Do you see what I mean? - Yeah.
Fuck, it's cold!
OK. Georgina?
I want wide shots, you know? Wide shots.
No close- ups. Try to imagine an enormous sea, you now?
A tiny human being on an enormous sea.
- Enormously tiny shouldn't be difficult. - What do you mean?
Certainly not for our hero. What's the temperature out here? Maybe two.
I see. Yeah, yeah, but we do the wide stuff now. You know? And so...
My stuff. And so we'll do your close- ups later in the studios, OK?
- Are you ready out there? OK? - Look at them.
Can't we please get them the coats?
Yeah, but can we shoot this now? It's gonna be fast, you know?
OK? Nuuk, are you ready?
OK! Action!
Keepswimming!
Hey, hey, hey!
- What the hell are you doing? - Nothing. I'm just steering my boat.
You're jerking off at work!
- Bullshit! Jerking off... - But I saw you!
You had your hand down your pants and you were jerking off!
Come here.
I've always dreamt of a mermaid. And now they're here.
It's a dream come true!
I want a 10% discount on the rental price.
10%?
I'm not paying full price if you're jerking off!
- But this is absurd... - I'll tell you what's absurd.
I'm coming in for a piss and find you jerking off here!
- OK, let's... - 20%!
But it's my boat!
15%.
But then you let me finish the job. I paid for it!
Come on, 15%! It's mermaids, goddammit!
OK, 15%.
For fuck's sake!
Just look!
Fuck!
OK, take the flaps off of the ladies. Very good, yes!
- You got it, Georgina? - Yes.
OK, a little more, yeah? I know it's cold! I know, I know, I know!
Come on, the last try! Yeah, yeah, do it!
And cut!
It's a wrap! You can... You can...
Karsten, please let us fuck! We're freezing here!
- Is that cool? - They want to fuck?
Of course, honey!
Goddamn pheasant!
Do you know what game birds play in Rosengaård?
No.
Fowl play.
Not much of a response.
Do you want to talk business or birds?
- I don't have all day. - You want me to get to the point?
But first, are you one of those little Nazi lads?
I think I saw a tattoo somewhere.
- I'm a patriot. - A patriot? I see.
I love my country.
- Do you think this feeling is mutual? - What do you mean?
A gun- shy patriot is not very useful when cold winds are blowing.
I've had enough of this. What the fuck do you want?
Mother's milk. I want to buy a large supply.
And I want you, little Nazi pig,
to help me get in touch with the top supplier.
The first mother, if you wish.
- Could you do that? - Yes.
- What's wrong with you? - It was too cold!
Hey, guys! Anyone hungry? What do you say about some Thai food?
Or Istedgade and some beers?
- Yeah, I'm hungry! - Let's go!
I think I'll pass. I need to pick up my daughter from soccer practice.
It's her birthday tomorrow. We're having dinner together.
- One minute. - Bye.
I have an idea. Why not pick her up in a car I borrowed?
What the hell are you talking about?
I promised a friend Georgina will shoot some close- ups of it.
He wants to sell it in a week. What do you say?
- You can't, it's not your car! - Of course I can! I'm going out tonight.
I'm gonna get so fucked up with these guys I'm not gonna be able to drive.
Take the car! Impress your daughter and take the wife for a ride.
It's gonna be a success story, I promise.
- I promise to drive carefully. - Of course.
- Alright, see you! - Bye!
Drive safe! Alright, let's chow!
Karsten! Jonna, look who I found!
- Karsten! Hi, there! - Hi.
Hi!
Hello! But what are you doing in Copenhagen?
We were buying gifts for Sam...
But then we started drinking wine.
I just needed to use the restroom.
We had a casting for a commercial.
My God, look!
What a colorful lot!
- Is it you they're waving at? - I don't think so. Is it?
Yes, it is! Hello!
- Do you know them? - No.
I swear I know the guy to the left and the girl to the right.
Wait.
Look here.
- Turn down the sound! - It's them, right?
- Can't you see it? - It's really hard to say.
Erik follows Charlie Sheen on Twitter.
He tweeted about this movie.
So of course we had to watch it. It was pretty good.
You should watch it!
You're not making porn, are you?
Um... What do you mean? Of course I'm not making porn!
- I'm joking with you! - Right.
Hello!
Now they've had enough. Alright, let's give them a hand.
No, they don't need an applause. They don't care about that stuff.
Karsten, I think we should talk about you and Erik.
We can't have this situation.
Let's just talk it over. Have a glass of wine.
No, I need to get Sam a gift. And I need to go to the restroom.
Just a short while? Five minutes!
I don't have time.
At least we tried.
What an odd job they have.
- Just weird... - Come on. Bottoms up.
Cheers.
Sam.
Get in!
- Where did you get that? - Just get in.
Thank you for picking me up.
Don't mention it.
You'll be 15 soon.
How does it feel?
- I don't feel anything. - No.
Getting older is hugely overrated.
Make sure you get some sleep. Good night.
- Dad... - Yes?
You seem to enjoy your new job.
You seem happier somehow.
And that car you borrowed is cool.
You should get one of those.
Yeah, you're right. It's pretty cool.
- Sleep tight! - Good night.
Let's give three cheers for Sam who turns 15 today.
- Hip, hip, hurrah! - Hurrah!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
Yeah... How's Karsten doing?
It's none of my business, but doesn't he drink a lot?
He's going through an intense period with his job and all.
I don't know.
I get it.
But there's something in his eyes. He doesn't look well.
- Still frigid in bed? - Yes, unfortunately.
I just have to keep satisfying myself in other ways,
if you see what I mean.
You're not the only one.
Erik has had his limp days too.
- But don't tell Karsten. - No, I won't.
- Thank God there's help to be had. - Yes, thank God.
This garage is still settling.
You can't do anything about it.
What happened to your foot?
- Tell him about the harpoon gun. - Harpoon gun?
I bought a harpoon gun online.
It's brand new, so I thought I'd... Never mind.
The gun goes off in the garage
and the harpoon bounces off Larsa's moped...
The harpoon bounces back and buries itself in my fibular muscle.
- Fibularis longus. - It just...
- It was a fucking mess. - It's basically your fault, Karsten.
- My fault? - Your fault.
If you hadn't busted up Larsa's moped, I wouldn't have put it inside,
and I wouldn't have needed these fucking crutches.
Never mind. Let's go smoke some cigars.
But there's a blizzard outside.
You sure picked the right day for a birthday party.
Right on target!
Why should I join you?
Stop sulking, Karsten! It's a peace cigar.
That's what it is! Alright.
Let me just have a...
Oy- oy- oy- oy- oy...
Hey, take it easy, buddy!
I'm not your buddy.
"I'm not your buddy."
75,000 Danish kroner a month!
How much do you make, Erik? You make 30,000 Swedish kronor.
- No way you earn 75,000... - You bet your ass I do!
Follow me, I want to show you something. Follow me.
- Follow me down the road. - Come on.
I'll show you Daddy's new car.
Wait here.
How the hell could you buy this?
Let's see...
Boom!
Oops!
560 horsepower!
Two- and- a- half million Danish kroner.
I think you should calm down.
Erik... I'm so sick of always talking about money with you.
This year I will earn as much
as you will earn for the rest of your life.
You fucking loser!
You have a serious problem. You should get help.
Shotgun!
Pow!
There's a new sheriff in town!
Whoo- hoo!